It speaks, but does it dance?

As diversionary tactics go and as far as distractions are acceptable, this even to my mind is somewhat of a head fuck. Yet another day goes by with more questions posed than answers provided. 

My personal jealousies are set aside and still my path is strewn with reasons to be fearful, all irrational and so just more things to feel guilty about feeling. Which seems a shame when you bear in mind I've only recently returned to being able to acknowledge feeling anything.

So all thanks to my epiphany and the emotional landslide that was unleashed when the reinforced watertight doors were finally opened. Now I can feel things in a way even I'd forgotten possible and to be honest even though I know I'm mentally better off for it, to say the least it's taking some getting used to. 

But what's the real benefit of releasing the pressure? and not having to attempt to repress everything, only to be disappointed when some kind of feeling seeps through a crack and reveals the weaknesses in my defenses? Well I'm more relaxed now. But with the relaxation comes the dubious bonus of a kind of self imposed ambivalence to things I should probably have a reasonable cause to object to. 

If I cant think of a good reason to justify feeling upset or disappointed or scared? do I ultimately just accept everything that happens unquestioningly whether it seems right or not, fair or unfair? Where does that leave me? 

Answers on a postcard please.