The more things change, the more they stay the same.

  Things are now in motion which cannot be undone.
The spark has become a flame and as the wheels, which have been standing idle for far too long,slowly grind back to life shaking off the accumulated dust from years of inactivity,the consequences of this self imposed period of hibernation become all too evident. Everything seems so much harder than it was,requires more effort, more concentration and yields it's rewards much less easily.
I have been away too long,so much has happened and I have been out of the loop for what would seem like an eternity in terms of progress.It seems everyone and everything moved on while I was deliberately stood still, just trying to make sense of what had happened. I went into a kind of emotional and intellectual coma to try to give myself time to mend and heal and my recovery took longer than anyone expected. I know I will never be able to catch up now,I am too far behind,too out of touch.I am redundant.
So here I am hopelessly out of synch with my own life,separated from the world behind a sheet of unbreakable glass, watching all the people I know in it move at a pace I cant hope to keep up with and all the time they are getting further and further away from me. I do not begrudge them their foray into the unchartered territory of the future whilst I lag behind. I just wish I could be there with them instead of always arriving one step behind and having to look at things in wonderment on my own because by the time I get there the novelty has already worn off for them and they have moved on again.

Is there a way out of this? Well I have given this a great deal of thought. I thought about not giving a shit. The problem is I cant help but care that I no longer exist in my own right, but unfortunately there is no reason for anyone else to care and me not giving a shit just renders me even more invisible to people and makes it less likely that anyone might remember why they liked me in the first place. But I have had enough and I can no longer accept that within the sphere of consciousness of almost everyone I once knew,I am now just an accessory to another individual. It seems now that the only place I still maintain any element of respect from other people, because of who I am, is at work.
So what's to be done? The only thing I can do. I learn from the example of those around me and do things for myself. Make things happen by myself to make me happy and fulfilled, sounds a little selfish to me! Well fuck you. I no longer care.

I am the Dead Apprentice and I am going to reclaim my life one piece at a time. I will live it at my own speed and anyone who wants to be a part of it is welcome along for the ride. Otherwise be advised get the fuck out of my way.